The 20 Hank Hill Quotes Every King of the Hill Fan Loves

Hank Hill Quotes

We don’t have to tell you that we love King of the Hill here at Nerds and Scoundrels. Whether it is our list of the best Thanksgiving episodes or our favorite Boomhauer Quotes, we are always happy to talk about the show. But like most fans, nothing in our mind tops the wit and wisdom of our pal Hank Hill. That’s why we’ve put together our favorite 20 Hank Hill Quotes Every King of the Hill Fan Loves. Keep reading below for the full list!

Top 20 Hank Hill Quotes

Hank Hill Quotes

20. “Your heart is telling you?! Who’s the boss, you or your heart? You are! Your heart is your employee! So get your heart off its butt and back to work!”

-King of the Hill, Season 1: Luanne’s Saga
When it comes to hopeless romantics, no one tops Hank.

19. “Bobby, Al Yankovic blew his brains out in the late 80s after people stopped buying his records. He’s not worth getting in trouble over.”

-King of the Hill: The Son That Got Away
Not clear on who Hank was getting Weird Al mixed up with here, but he’s always a good source for news and world events.

18. “There better be a naked cheerleader under your bed!”

-King of the Hill: Goodbye Normal Jeans
Not a surprising reaction from Hank when he discovers Bobby cleaning a cheerleader uniform. This quote is from one of our favorite Thanksgiving episodes.

17. “I Sell Popcorn and Popcorn Accessories”

-King of the Hill: Meet the Manger Babies
Callbacks are always a great comedic device, and this one is a funny play off of a signature quote.

16. “Dallas? I don’t want you going to Dallas at all! That place is crawling with crack heads and debutantes. And half of them play for the Cowboys.”

-King of the Hill: Peggy the Boggle Champ
The man’s not wrong, but at least it’s not Scottsdale.

15. “I am the mack daddy of Heimlich County!”

-King of the Hill: “Ho Yeah!”
To scare away a pimp, you have to BECOME the pimp.

14. “I have a sense of humor. I laugh at Tony Danza.”

-King of the Hill: The Man Who Shot Cane Skretteberg

13. “So, are you Chinese or Japanese?”

-King of the Hill: Westie Side Story.
Which part of China is Laos in again?

 12. “An ‘F’ in English? Bobby, you speak English!”

-King of the Hill: Old Glory.
What we have here is a failure to communicate

11. “What? No, I sell propane!”

-King of the Hill: My Own Private Rodeo.
Hank’s response to Dale’s father asking if he is gay.

10. “Soccer was invent by European ladies to keep them busy while their husbands did the cooking.”

-King of the Hill: Three Men and a Bobby.
Hank has a good grasp on the origin of soccer.

9. “The only woman I’m pimping from now on is Sweet Lady Propane. And I’m tricking her out all over this town.”

-King of the Hill: Ho Yeah!
It was a good run, but Hank called it quits on his pimping career.

8. “Bobby, some things are like a tire fire, trying to put them out makes it worse. You just gotta grab a beer and let it burn.”

-King of the Hill: Aisle 8a
Deep thoughts on responding to a woman with PMS

7. “Why would anyone smoke week when they could just mow a lawn?”

-King of the Hill: Yard, She Blows!”
One of the best Hank Hill quotes on the deep satisfaction mowing the lawn brings.

6. “I’m doped out of my gourd!”

-King of the Hill: Hanky Panky
Hank finally tries pot, and it doesn’t go so well.

5. “You know, Helen Keller was largely useless, but look how we remember her. Yep, first lady of the American stage.”

-Peggy Hill: The Decline and Fall
Look, we all get Helen Keller confused with Helen Hayes right?

4. “They weren’t dancing like you and I used to, Peggy. They were enjoying it.”

-King of the Hill: Get Ur Freak Off
Bobby and a girl dancing at a concert scarred Hank.

3. “I wasn’t flirting with her .I didn’t even mention I work in propane.”

-King of the Hill: Lupe’s Revenge
Hank, defending himself against accusations of flirting with a lady cop.

2. “6 AM, and already the boy ain’t right!”

-King of the Hill: Texas City Twister
Hank’s response when he catches Bobby smelling laundry early in the morning.

1. “Can’t you see you’re not making Christianity better? You’re making rock and roll worse.”

-King of the Hill: Reborn to be Wild
And here it is, our favorite Hank Hill quote of all time. This is subjective stuff of course, but we love this quote not only because it is hilarious but because it transcends the fandom of the show.

Nerds and Scoundrels

And that’s our Top 20 Hank Hill Quotes. Did we leave anything out? Post a link to your favorite quotes or episodes in the comment section. And don’t forget to check out the rest of our King of the Hill content here at Nerds and Scoundrels!

Travis Scoundrel

A life long gamer, Travis spends his time writing about and playing games when he's not suing people or hanging out with his family.

Travis Scoundrel
About Travis Scoundrel 329 Articles
A life long gamer, Travis spends his time writing about and playing games when he's not suing people or hanging out with his family.